Afraid To Go Into The Hood – Motherhood!
Growing up, my plan for my life was very clear. I was gonna become a journalist, travel a lot, never get married and no motherhood. My parents never put any pressure on me. I was never told about any rishta. My dad would politely tell them she’s too young or she has to settle down in her career first. In fact, they tried to convince me to postpone my wedding plans by another 2 years! 😉
Young and Free
But life never goes as planned. Karan and my 4-year long friendship turned into a relationship. Between work, friends, parties and travel, there was no time for anything else. We were in our early 20’s and everything was the way it was supposed to be. However, as things got serious, I categorically told him that I might never want kids. So if that’s a deal breaker, he needs to think about it. The boy was madly in love. Nothing could be a deal breaker! 😉
Change Of Plans
Then 2 years later, he proposed. My parents really liked him. We had known each other for so long. Marriage just seemed like the logical thing to do. We had a road trip wedding with functions in Delhi and Chandigarh. The wedding preps were a pain but the actual wedding was a blast! And 9 days later, we moved to Singapore. Down the line, Karan started thinking about kids. I didn’t! Between our travels and fast-track life, I still wasn’t sure if motherhood was something I wanted or something I would do justice to. I firmly believe that if one doesn’t want kids, it’s totally okay and a woman is not incomplete without a child.
Took My Time
I spent next couple of years reading and forcing him to read articles about pregnancy, motherhood, relationship and life after a baby and every other possible aspect of becoming parents. I would force discussions on how we would raise our child, balance different customs from both sides of the family and our own beliefs (atheism) etc. The list is long.
Then, 5 years into our marriage, we moved to Singapore for the second time and I finally told him, let’s give it a shot. I was somewhat prepared to accept the changes that came with motherhood. Few months later, after a beach and jager-bomb filled weekend getaway in Malaysia, I found out I’m pregnant. We didn’t tell anyone till the results of the down syndrome test came back clear. At the end of the first trimester, we announced it to our parents and friends.
Earlier, Karan didn’t see the big deal or understand my apprehensions. But after I got pregnant, his whole point of view changed. Seeing me puke day and night (I threw up all 9 months), he kinda realised a woman does need to be prepared for what’s coming her way. Now he gives this gyaan to all his guy friends – Your wife has to be ready guys! 😉
We shortlisted names but didn’t tell anyone including our parents. We weren’t trying to exclude anybody but we put a lot of thought into it and chose those names with love. Once the name is official, no one says anything negative about it. But if a discussion starts before, opinions get shared.
Then we took the decision to not call either set of grandparents over for delivery or to help out with our new born baby. That initially was not taken very well by most people. We were constantly told we are making the biggest mistake of our lives. People would tell my parents to just pack their bags and come. But my parents replied – If your children are trying to do something unconventional, encourage, not discourage.
No Maternal Instinct?
I still remember my first check-up when we heard Karma’s heartbeat for the very first time. I had read stories of how moms-to-be cried and it was so overwhelming. Our first reaction was – That’s it? That’s the whole check-up? :p I still wondered if I’m right for this.
Baby? Tomorrow? What?
And then came that fateful day. I was in my 40th week of pregnancy and at the doctor’s for my weekly check-up. She checked and said – Okay, you’re 2 cms dilated so looks like it might happen this week. But I have dinner plans on Friday! 😉 That was a joke! She asked us if we just wanted to come to the hospital the next day, induce labour and have our baby instead of waiting.
- Karan: Wait! What? Baby? Tomorrow? What’s tomorrow? 27th?
- Me: Ya its 27th.
- Karan: So she will be born on 27th Jan?
- Me: Yup.
- Karan: My birthday is 28 November.
- Me: And mine is 29th July.
- Karan: It’ll be 27-28-29.
- Me: Lets just do it!
It’s Baby Day!
We packed our bags, ate a light breakfast and checked into our hospital at 730 am. 9 am I was put on the drip, my water was broken and labour was induced. Karan was on a lazy boy in the room and we watched the lego movie. I ate some food. Finally at 430 pm, the nurse told me my baby is not coming down so I should start pushing. We were still an hour or so away from let’s get the screaming started. Finally at 545 pm, the contractions sped up and my doctor slipped into her pink gum boots. Karan was told to hold the back of my head and two nurses started rubbing down on my belly while the doctor yelled PUUUSSHHH and I started screaming! 😛
Laugh Out Loud
That morning, my doc had told me – Labour is induced. I will close the clinic at 530 pm. 6 pm this baby better be out. Karma popped out at 6:03 pm. 😉 The second we heard her cry, Karan and I instantly broke into hysterical laughter. We couldn’t control it! We just kept laughing and then the nurses started laughing too. It was as if everyone was high! 😀 In between the doc asked if the baby has a name and we said Karma. 45 seconds after she was weighed, cleaned and handed to us; I was just blown away by the ferocity of love that hit me. I never realised up until that moment how much one can possibly love another human being. She had stopped crying and was looking around like a little canary bird bobbing her eyes and face in every direction.
Motherhood – It’s All Karma
It’s been a crazy ride since then. She is one hell of a pataka who keeps us on our toes. We have changed houses and countries and traveled a lot. Everything we did before but with some adjustments. From being a woman who never wanted kids, I have turned into one of those moms I used to make fun of. The ones who perpetually talk about their kid and think the sun shines out of their child’s ass! 😉 I am totally that mother now! This is called Karma! Someone very rightly said – There’s only one most beautiful child in the world and every mother has it!
How Have I Changed?
Let me make this clear – I still don’t think a women needs to be a mother to feel complete. However, I have never known love and joy like this! I was surprised by how fierce and confident motherhood has made me. I always felt leaving my career or changing it would make me dependent or take something away from me. But the exact opposite happened. I feel like I can take on anything and anyone! I’m motivated to do something with my life so I set the right example for Karma. I wanna travel more and expose her to the different ways she can live life. I stand up to customs and norms I don’t believe in more than before because I don’t want her to be tied down by anything. I’m driven to raise an independent free-spirited daughter who can be anything she wants. More than anything, I just wanna raise a happy child who has the freedom to be who she is!
The Blog Train
This post is part of a blog train started by Pooja Kawatra of Mums & Babies and she has networked to bring together 41 moms across the globe. Meet all 41 moms here. Pooja has also shared her own views on motherhood here.
I wanna thank Udita from WithLoveZuzu for introducing me. You can read her post here. Next in line is Prisha from Mummasauras – a jolly, quirky and full of life mommy who is always bubbling with energy! And she needs all of that energy being a mom to twin boys. Make sure you visit her blog to read her take on motherhood.